FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
CHATHAM-KENT – The New Blue Party of Ontario is proud to announce its latest round of groundbreaking initiatives, all designed to solve the province’s most pressing issues: bad vibes, government overreach (that we just learned about on Facebook), and ensuring that anyone who disagrees with us is properly scolded online.
As Ontario’s self-proclaimed last hope against common sense and political pragmatism, New Blue is doubling down on the same strategies that have kept us exactly where we are – on the political fringes. We are the only party that truly understands that the biggest problem facing Ontarians isn’t housing affordability, healthcare wait times, or education, but rather the shadowy forces of “wokeism” and “globalism” (both of which we will be defining at a later date).
New Blue is proud to be the loudest voice in Ontario politics with absolutely no risk of governing. While the other parties waste time with things like policy details and pragmatic governance, we remain focused on what really matters: vague populism, blaming the media, and pretending that federal politics can be solved with provincial complaining.
End All Lockdowns! Even though there aren’t any.
Defund the Media! Except for the ones that agree with us.
Oppose All Taxes! Even the ones that keep the lights on.
Stop the Elites! Even though we won’t name who they are.
Fight for Small Businesses! By doing absolutely nothing concrete to help them.
Under the steadfast leadership of Jim Karahalios, we remain committed to being the political party equivalent of that one guy at family dinner who won’t stop talking about “what’s really going on.” We promise to oppose everything, stand for nothing, and ensure that Ontario politics remains just unhinged enough to keep us on the evening news (but never in government).
New Blue isn’t just a party – it’s a lifestyle! If you enjoy yelling at your television, writing Facebook comments in all caps, and feeling superior despite achieving nothing, then you belong with us! Help us continue our noble mission of getting slightly fewer votes than the number of people who accidentally put an ‘X’ next to our name.
We will never give up the fight – or start doing anything productive. That’s the New Blue promise!
Contact:
New Blue Party of Ontario
Email: totallyrealparty@newblue.ca
Website: www.wedonthaveaplan.ca
Phone: 1-800-NO-SEAT